What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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