I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
