I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Randomize
