how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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