after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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