At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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