how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
