every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
