i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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