do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
