DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
