ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
