i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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