he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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