you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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