Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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