you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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