There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
