you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
