margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
