I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
