FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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