whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
