dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
