Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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