seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
