someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
