so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize