i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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