but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
