i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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