Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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