I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
