Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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