I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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