A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I have demons in me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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