Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
