Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
