awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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