She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
