Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
