Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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