That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
