I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
