He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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