do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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