my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
