Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
