btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
