i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The adults are the big ones right?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
