DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
