I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
