Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize