I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
