Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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