My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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