Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
