I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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