So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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