the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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