Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
