He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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