She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
