Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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