I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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