he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
