PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
did you just send me my own nude
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
