the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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