yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
