I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
