Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
