Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize