i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
