An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
