This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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