We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize