We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He did a backflip because drugs
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