I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
