Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
