Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
