apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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