Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
