My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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