weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
