She said her name was "party"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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