in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
