My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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