I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
