I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
