only you would photoshop your dick
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize
