I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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