I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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