i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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