I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize