Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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