those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
being pregnant is like rehab
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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