and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
