Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
