Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize