Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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