Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
