Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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