he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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