We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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