I wanna passion pit in your ass
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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