Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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