I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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