my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
