Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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